Montana's (Polo Park): 3.7/5

Chipotle Firecracker Burger
Platter: $12.99
Score: 3.7

Sirloin Burger (Fat Boy)
Platter: $10.99
Score: 4.4

Cheese Burger
Platter: $11.98
Score: 3.1

Montana’s has tables you can draw on and inconsistent burgers. The décor is fun with trucks, moose and canoes hanging overhead. The server was great and quite conversational. We may invite him to join burger club.

Our little group of four kept growing until we were thirteen. Luckily it was fairly quiet at Montana’s and our table could keep extending until it looked like The Last Supper. If you put crayons in front of an adult, they are compelled to draw and several did as soon as they sat down. Our drinks came quickly and colouring helped pass the time until our burgers arrived. My ice tea came with a bendy straw! Alpha Russ didn’t notice and put his in upside down. Apparently he doesn’t bend that way.

The meals pretty much came all at once and everyone seemed to get what they ordered. It wasn’t until afterwards, when I was entering in the ratings, that I realized how much variability there was in the reviews.  Some people really enjoyed their burgers, and some gave it a quite low rating. Of course tastes differ, and every time our group dines, some will like the burger and some won’t, but people’s descriptions for Montana’s really spanned the spectrum of good to bad. Karen’s burger was messy, as evidenced by the slurge (trademark Breakfast Connoisseurs) on her plate and running down her arms. Alpha Russ’s burger was burnt black and dry and evidenced by, well, the carbon on the patty. Several people complained of how dry the burger patty was and pretty much everyone commented that the "ridiculously lucky mixed seed bun" was dry and crumbly. Really, it should have been a delicious burger, and mine was, but something seemed to have gone wrong in the kitchen.

The Firecracker burger was huge! The patty was quite thick to begin with, but pile on a couple of inches of crispy onions, jalapeños, two thick tomato slices and bacon and you’ve got a tall burger. Even well squished, the toppings were still easily twice as deep as the already thick beef patty. I quite enjoyed the flavour burst and crunchy texture of the toppings on my burger. April commented on assembly: “The jalapeños were piled in the centre of the burger so only 2 bites were really, really HOT.” I can’t say exactly what the patty tasted like, but it was beefy, not fatty, and had a nice sturdy texture. I couldn’t taste the cheese at all. I’m not complaining, they had more conventional burgers if you preferred, but I went for the Firecracker. My burger wasn’t messy - but I cut it in half, which always helps. My bacon was cooked quite unevenly, but I noticed and took appropriate action with the uncooked half. I enjoyed the zingy sauce and thought it was the right amount. Other people thought it too much, but that generally comes down to personal taste.

My side salad was fresh and tasty. Well, with the exception of the croutons. They were some industrial tasting prefabbed thing. They were easy to pick out.  I appreciated have the dressing separate. That should be standard in all restaurants. Cary commented that the “Yam fries were the best.”

Two new words came up today. "Pattyfied" and "BarBaby". I was describing the patty at Stella’s which is really a bunch of tasty morsels in close association, perhaps held together by some strange beefy magnetism, but not “pattyfied.” Somehow it turned into “paddyfied” and took on naughty overtones for all the Star Wars geeks around the table. The BarBaby was, well, the baby squealing in the bar. Note to babies: Montana’s has no age restriction in the bar.